Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
