i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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