buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
