Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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