We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The Olympian is in my bed
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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