I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
