3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
the day after is always just damage control
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
