I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
