i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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