So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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