I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
