Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
