eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
