So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
