I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
