i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
