Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
