I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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