she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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