Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You were trust falling into bushes
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
