I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I have already put on my inside pants.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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