please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
