I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
