Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
