So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
