grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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