Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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