I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
