How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
