So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
