We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
