i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
