So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
