just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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