I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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