The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
