I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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