It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
