She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
