He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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