Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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