Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
