everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
