im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
