Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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