I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
