I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just want to make out with him forever
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
