my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
