Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
