I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Two words: blizzard sex
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
