I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
