Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
