I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
