too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i dont even know how to be here
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
