why do cheetos always look like penises
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
